As a child, I witnessed my both parents fight almost all the time. At a point, I believed fighting and quarrelling were normal in marriages and relationships.
When I lived with my Auntie, she and her husband continued to dish me with same experience I had at home. The difference between my Auntie’s home and that of my parents was that my Auntie got divorced but my father died as a result of lack of love and happiness.
Marriage is beautiful. But let’s be honest, it’s also hard. Even if the spark is gone, you can fix it if you have the will.
If you lack patience, perseverance, tolerance and forgiveness, then it will be very hard for you to survive in marriage.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “Yes, the spark is gone in my marriage…” you’re not alone in this and that’s why we have chosen to dedicate our time and experience to proffer a long lasting solution to it.
And more importantly! it doesn’t mean your marriage is broken.
It just means it needs care.
Let’s talk about what to do when the spark is gone in your marriage.
1. Accept That Seasons Change
First, take a deep breath.
If your marriage is going through this phase, it is normal. A lot of people do think that marriage is all about honeymoon and fun, that’s not true. After the honeymoon, the real marriage will start.
Life will happen, kids, bills, work, stress, health, responsibilities will begin.
Sometimes we mistake comfort for distance.
Sometimes we confuse routine with lack of love.
Just because your marriage doesn’t feel exciting right now doesn’t mean it’s failing.
It just means you’ve entered a new season and seasons can change again.
All you need is a clear understanding that marriage is not always fun and cruise. It comes in different phases.
2. Talk, Don’t Assume
When I got married newly, I had this attitude of keeping grudges. I would assume things in my mind and conclude I was right. This very attitude nearly ruined my marriage until I spoke to a mentor who advised me to always be open to discussion no matter what the problem was.
Silence is the killer of intimacy. When we stop talking, we start assuming. And assumptions grow into walls that will definitely ruin the marriage if not corrected. Over time, those emotional walls create distance and weaken the emotional connection in marriage, making it harder to truly feel close to your partner.
If you feel disconnected, say so. Gently. Honestly. From the heart.
There is no better time to have that discussion than now!
Be open, say what you feel and how you feel it, but do it with love and care. Do not air your mind with the intent to hurt your partner; it will only make matters worse in your marriage or relationship.
Also learn to listen. While you’re expressing yourself, learn to listen to your partner, and do not assume you are right even before starting the conversation. Let the aim of the conversation be to fix the issue and not to be right or wrong.
3. Reconnect with Small Acts
Don’t always think that you need expensive things to spice up your relationship. All you need is to bring back that emotional connection, and don’t be predictable.
The spark isn’t always about grand gestures.
Sometimes it’s a soft touch on the back while washing dishes. the scrubbing on the back while bathing.
A kind text in the middle of a busy day.
A warm smile across the table.
Do the small things that say, “I still see you.”
Remember what made you fall in love. Then start practicing those things again, even if it feels awkward or forced at first. Love often follows action.
You have to be intentional about it, plan it alone and execute it. Leave your partner with good memories and quit being rigid.
4. Date Each Other Again
When was the last time you went on a real date with your partner?
No kids. No phones. Just the two of you.
You don’t need fancy dinners or expensive getaways. Sometimes all it takes is a walk together. A night drive. Sitting on the porch with tea and no distractions.
Make time for fun. Make time for new memories.
The spark needs space to breathe, so create that space intentionally.
Your partner may not be in the mood for the date, but you have to plead, convince and be creative. The fact that you both dated before now, you can reapply the methods you used the first time you both met. I am certain that it will work if you do it judiciously
6. Remember You’re on the Same Team
When the spark is gone in marriage, it’s easy to start blaming each other.
But listen, You’re not enemies. You’re partners.
You may be tired. You may be hurting. You may be growing in different directions.
But you’re still in this together. And together is a powerful thing.
Start fighting for each other, not with each other.
Sit yourself down and figure out how you can make your partner happy again. Figure out the things you have done wrongly. Do not accept putting blames on your partner, rather focus on what you have not done correctly, that way you will muster the courage to apologize to your partner.
You can learn more how to rebuild the love and trust again here
7. Ask for Help When Needed
There is no shame in asking for help. Talk to a marriage counselor, a trusted mentor, or a couple who has been through tough seasons and come out stronger.
Sometimes, you need an outside voice to guide you back to each other.
8.Always Pray Even if You Feel Helpless
If you’re a person of faith, pray for your marriage. Even if it feels like God is silent. Even if your partner doesn’t pray with you.\
Sometimes it will feels like prayers are useless. You won’t seem to have any need for it because you have prayed and fasted, yet nothing seem to be changing. Just do not give up! God is never too late to answer.
Ask for new love. New eyes to see each other. New strength to keep going.
God is in the business of restoration and He cares deeply about your home. If you don’t give up on him, he will never give up on you.
Final Words: Sparks Can Return
Losing the spark doesn’t mean losing the marriage.
It’s a signal, not an ending.
With love, time, and intention, what feels dull can glow again. What feels distant can grow close again. You don’t have to settle for “just getting by.”
Marriage is work but it’s the kind of work that can bring joy, peace, and a deeper love than you ever imagined.
So if you feel like the spark is gone in your marriage, don’t give up.
Start small.
Start today.
Start together.